To The Best and Worst
To you, what does it mean to be the first love? First time having a special feeling for a guy whose smile shed light on your heart? The first time, wailing in the bathroom for having the first breaking up. Not until the last minute of love did people realize how much they cherish and love each other? “Wise men say only fool falls in love”. We are the dumb, fool and our imperious youth has driven our miracle away, first love is like four-leaf gloves, once in a lifetime and eternal regret...
I hate the fact of myself being so nostalgic every time the rain pours down outside. It had been 5 years already, people said I deserve the better, I will go out there and have a date with another who is much more excellent than you. But I love your imperfection, your inscrutable face, your confusion when dealing with a load of tears from me. I have grown up lots, don’t you know, I’m not the girl who runs on the old, rotten bike around our hometown with tears flooding. I’m not the girl who was so emotional and sensitive that burst out into tears whenever you leave me alone just for a second. My mature time is inundated with depression, a diffident manner, and the school bully. I was a victim of our vigorous and wild youth. Everything gets paid and to the best version of myself right now, the payment for that was humiliation and mental crisis.
The number of times I had to run home with the face full of tears and the number when I had to suppress all the cracks down because of embarrassment. You knew I’m not a stone girl from the beginning right, you didn’t know why a skinny girl like me can suffer from a ton of tear like that...
At that time, I’m dying for a friend, true friend, I so cherished of friends that they kept taking me for granted and more disastrous, they betray me ... The moment when you find out your best friend from the beginning to the end stabbing your back over and over. That is the feeling that your heart was impaled by thousand of glasses and broke out into thousands of debris with blood floating over the place...
I was at my most crisis time and the whole world is turning its back for me. why? I mean how many times did I question myself? What had I done to suffer from all these calamities and humiliations?? Why the bad didn’t get paid for all the atrocities they made to me? This life is a catastrophe, a series of consecutively unfairnesses. 5 years have gone by, the pain is in here, from the bottom of my heart, I hear 16 years old girl wailing in dark and pain. I still can feel the pain, the sorrow lasting inside of that fragile heart, All of you guy will never understand how was it, You guy will never understand the anxious and apprehensive feeling when accidentally lashing out improper words, You will never understand how scared it was to be left alone with barrage of humiliations. You will never, never. 5 years I can still heat the cry, scream inside, the vulnerable and futile call for help every time I close my eyes. School Bully is an atrocity to children and any teenager who survived through this experience must confront the mental shade inside of them that haunted them every night. What about the Bullier? They are enjoying their life with no bother of any things they made...
But God still embraces me, He gives me one of the most precious treasures - my ever first love. The magic puts an end to all the tragedies. He lights up the whole world, directs me to the viable land of incredible things. I have to carry on because giving up is not in my dictionary. A man makes me crushing on the rain when driving the shodden electric bike getting rid of the heavy rain with the broken girl at the back. His smell, his eye, his wrinkle and his bulky hand, his reticent movement when having the first holding hand. Everything will bear in my mind like a scar, it's hurt and lasts.
"Sometimes when I miss you, I put those records on" That lyrics are hunting me right now, I do remember. Playing back "Back to December" when the rain suddenly gushes down. I just question myself over and over again, what if I hadn't given up on you, what happened to us? Should we be blessed to have each other till the rest or just another breaking story?
I'm seeking your voice in hopeless. I'm dying to hear that voices again, I'd love to receive your silly postcard full of your fragrance. I just miss you.
I hate the fact of myself being so nostalgic every time the rain pours down outside. It had been 5 years already, people said I deserve the better, I will go out there and have a date with another who is much more excellent than you. But I love your imperfection, your inscrutable face, your confusion when dealing with a load of tears from me. I have grown up lots, don’t you know, I’m not the girl who runs on the old, rotten bike around our hometown with tears flooding. I’m not the girl who was so emotional and sensitive that burst out into tears whenever you leave me alone just for a second. My mature time is inundated with depression, a diffident manner, and the school bully. I was a victim of our vigorous and wild youth. Everything gets paid and to the best version of myself right now, the payment for that was humiliation and mental crisis.
The number of times I had to run home with the face full of tears and the number when I had to suppress all the cracks down because of embarrassment. You knew I’m not a stone girl from the beginning right, you didn’t know why a skinny girl like me can suffer from a ton of tear like that...
At that time, I’m dying for a friend, true friend, I so cherished of friends that they kept taking me for granted and more disastrous, they betray me ... The moment when you find out your best friend from the beginning to the end stabbing your back over and over. That is the feeling that your heart was impaled by thousand of glasses and broke out into thousands of debris with blood floating over the place...
I was at my most crisis time and the whole world is turning its back for me. why? I mean how many times did I question myself? What had I done to suffer from all these calamities and humiliations?? Why the bad didn’t get paid for all the atrocities they made to me? This life is a catastrophe, a series of consecutively unfairnesses. 5 years have gone by, the pain is in here, from the bottom of my heart, I hear 16 years old girl wailing in dark and pain. I still can feel the pain, the sorrow lasting inside of that fragile heart, All of you guy will never understand how was it, You guy will never understand the anxious and apprehensive feeling when accidentally lashing out improper words, You will never understand how scared it was to be left alone with barrage of humiliations. You will never, never. 5 years I can still heat the cry, scream inside, the vulnerable and futile call for help every time I close my eyes. School Bully is an atrocity to children and any teenager who survived through this experience must confront the mental shade inside of them that haunted them every night. What about the Bullier? They are enjoying their life with no bother of any things they made...
But God still embraces me, He gives me one of the most precious treasures - my ever first love. The magic puts an end to all the tragedies. He lights up the whole world, directs me to the viable land of incredible things. I have to carry on because giving up is not in my dictionary. A man makes me crushing on the rain when driving the shodden electric bike getting rid of the heavy rain with the broken girl at the back. His smell, his eye, his wrinkle and his bulky hand, his reticent movement when having the first holding hand. Everything will bear in my mind like a scar, it's hurt and lasts.
"Sometimes when I miss you, I put those records on" That lyrics are hunting me right now, I do remember. Playing back "Back to December" when the rain suddenly gushes down. I just question myself over and over again, what if I hadn't given up on you, what happened to us? Should we be blessed to have each other till the rest or just another breaking story?
I'm seeking your voice in hopeless. I'm dying to hear that voices again, I'd love to receive your silly postcard full of your fragrance. I just miss you.
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